Celebrating 2020

Happy New Year !!! 

All I could think about today is our vacation is 23 days away. I have been in anticipation for 2020 mainly for the next trip away from home. This time, just us - Zukry, myself and Amni. 

I have also been waiting for 2020, secondly for my favourite month of the year - JANUARY. Turning another year on 14th, a Tuesday. But this time, I'm thinking about how closer I am to turning 40 - what I should be doing, the how-many things I should be bettering at before turning into another decade. SO MANY, that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed just thinking about it. But I think the list is a little bit more personal, I should be jotting them down somewhere else first and then, share my thoughts later... insyaAllah. 

We are leaving for Zurich, Switzerland in 3 weeks time. The first time for all 3 of us. 

I was in Switzerland in 2006 immediately after university, but at the time I spent a lot of my time at my aunt's place in Geneva. I get to travel around the other countries including the Eastern Europe, I get to cover a little bit of Croatia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Hungary, Czech Republic, Austria and Germany.

This time, we are covering Munich - Budapest - Vienna and then, spent longer time covering Switzerland mainly in the middle region... OMG, I have to start planning for the little details of this trip (stopped to ask Zukry to get his Deuter bag to measure against his idea of attaching the stroller onto the bag! It was big and heavy, and he proved my idea right. TQVM)

A lot other things will come my (our) way before reaching to that date. Work especially but I gotta choose more of my 'other' life. You have a good year OK. I will do the same here, insyaAllah.

Handbag or iPad 7.0?

First, I got myself an iPad.

Then, I’m going to get one or two handbags depending on my mood. JK

But, definitely am saving up for a trip somewhere really cold! Brace yourself!

Happy Raya 1440

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

10 Syawal, and I'm still eating like it's the first day of Raya. OMG. Feeling guilty but still can't really tune to the new routine of a part-time Full Time Housewife (obviously while I'm still on maternity-leave-without-a-baby)

Anyway, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. My blood pressure reading is not as good as when I was fasting, which was weird but I guess, expected with all the food I devoured during buka puasa and Raya...

Raya was fun, we travelled to Kuala Lipis and Batu Pahat. 

The End (Almost) of Ramadhan 1440

Assalamualaikum... 

Today is day 26 of Ramadhan, the last Friday of Ramadhan 1440. 

This last week of Ramadhan is my 6th week postpartum, which means my pantang period has completed (2 weeks ago, if we are counting the 30-days only) Alhamdulillah, I'm OK. Better, in fact. 

The Dostinex I took to suppress milk is also working considering I'm bleeding again. This time, it's my menstruation... So, I hope this cycle will continue. I have an appointment with Dr. Tan to check my prolactin level in 2 weeks time, so this is what she would want to hear too.

However, with this (menses) - that means, I'm not fasting. I was doing well Quran reciting wise... Almost finishing, but not quite. Never mind, this will continue insyaAllah until I khatam. Skettt je lagi! You can do this!

I finished reading another book today "The Art of Letting God" - a reminder that we are nothing but servants of Allah. We feel sad, frustration, anger --- but the respond to these feelings is what truly matters. I have a few more books waiting... I was in between a few books to keep my momentum up. Sometimes, I do re-read some pages after I've left the book out of wanting something new (I read too slow, I guess)

We are also moving back to our place, tonight. 2 weeks at the hospital and 6 weeks at my parents - I miss having my own place. The mini-family working within our private space.

I also finally went to KLCC today. For one reason, that is to change duit-raya. I bumped into Liyana while paying our season parking at the machine. That was a good surprise... 

Off to fetch Amni. Ohhh, she's leaving Pre-Raudhah for Raudhah after Raya! My big girl... (kejap big, kejap little - mana satu Mommy ni! Hehehe)

My Little Kakak

Assalamualaikum... Week 2 of Ramadhan, how's yours progressing so far? 😊

We have somewhat adapt with our situation moving in with my parents temporarily while in my confinement. We should be out by the end of Week 3 Ramadhan insyaAllah... That means, I would have concluded my confinement - with that also I hope I'm in much better place. Spiritually, emotionally and physically.

My little Kakak, Nur Amni - has also been enjoying her time here. She will wake up at the usual time - 7ish in the morning, take a bath (after much persuasions and depending on her mood, it ranges between a princess-y dress, a chocolate spread sandwich, a chocolate drink, a ponytail like Princess Else of Frozen, etc.) and off she went to school with Abah. Zukry has to drive her back to our place and then, to the office.

She will then be fetched (on most days, since we arrived) by TokMak. TokMak will usually attend her evening class, pick up Naira on the way to Amni's play school. So, Amni will then 'teman' Naira until her Maksu arrived from work... Then, it's dinner time, a mixed of play, read and gaduh time with Noh before it's time to hit the sack...

😅

We have explained to her that Mommy now is without a baby in her tummy, but she stills think I am with one. She refuses to answer to thequestion of 'Where is Adik?' - I myself, don't have the strength to ask her that question... However, she is well into the Kakak character. Her soft calling for Naira every time her cousin is around, how she wants to play with Naylaa (second cousin) when she came by... and when she attended her Sports Day with TokMak and PakLong on the day Mommy was induced to delivery! She won her sukaneka, "Number One" showing off her prize! 

My good girl, Nur Amni...

Self-Care Semasa Berpantang

Photo by Anthony Mendoza on Unsplash

I'm on a roll here. I've been blogging for almost daily. Hehehe...

Anyway, I just had this idea of putting things down - I don't want to forget. 

About the subject - I was somewhat taking it easy during my pantang mode post delivering my sweet angel. Earlier even before I was back home in Ampang, I already decided I'm gonna have a 30 days of pantang. 20 April + 30 days, ahhhh - you do the math. Hehehe! Instead of 44 days per Nur Amni.

I'm gonna be doing the socks thing throughout but not the kain-batik thing. My jersey cotton skirts were my best friends during my days in the ward and soon after at home. Since there was no episiotomy this time, wearing these skirts were actually a breeze. Also, since I'm not breastfeeding - a usual T-shirt is fine for my daily get-ups.

Speaking of breastfeeding, it was one of my biggest worry. Before I left the hospital, doctor prescribed me with Dostinex (I've mentioned about this before, Dostinex will lower down my prolactin to get back my period) to suppressed the milk from coming out. So with that and the cabbage trick shared by the nurses - Alhamdulillah, I don't have a problem with accidental lactation. After about 6 days, I was back in my pre-pregnancy bra :) (sorry if this is TMI. Heh!)

This also means, I don't have problem with my hair falling too. Yippee!

I ate like my pre-pregnancy meal but I was and still am very careful with portion. I put up with a lot of ulam, sup sayur, bayam rebus and grilled mackerel for days! I don't really choose my food - I just make sure they're healthy portioned, cooked through. I had eggs (but not many), the usual chicken - especially when there's no ayam kampung in the freezer and I was already tired of mackerel. This Ramadhan time especially, we have pretty good spread of food - I had them but I don't indulge.

I'm trying to get more active too. So far, I have been hitting the Move target daily - somewhat the same with my daily life at the office! But I want to do better, just that with this thing - I have to take it easy... Angkat2 barang berat pun tak boleh sebenarnya. I need all 6 weeks minimum to heal. Especially the inside (not just emotionally, but physically inside)

Before Acik Rose start the urut and tungku, I took care of myself. Alhamdulillah, without so much pain (down under) I managed. My bath was especially long... After urut and tungku, I had a day of really heavy bleeding - a big clot came out too! Yikes! I was afraid but also assured that it was normal (Dr. Tan brief me about these clots before we leave the hospital) On day 5, I felt so much lighter. My bloating problem was gone too.

Anyway... I think I did OK postpartum. We are closing week 3, I miss being pregnant - I had my moments of feeling sorry and guilty still but --- Allah Maha Mengetahui. Time will heal, insyaAllah...

The Beginning of Ramadhan 1440

Salam Ramadhan everyone. Today is day 4 of Ramadhan!

Unfortunately, I'm in my (hopefully) last week of bleeding. It comes and goes, these few days. I was really looking forward to fasting and focusing my energy into bettering my solat and improving my Quran reading so that I can finish it - the plan is to start where I left it before (I have a log all my Quran readings on my iPhone notes. Hehehe)

So far, I've been continuing my #AAConsistencyClass, I just begin with Module 2 but I'm progressing insyaAllah. The Quran Tagging project is progressing well too. I finished one topic on 'Pengharapan' (blue tag) and I finished the pink sticky note that was meant for the topic on 'Doa'. I also missed half of the tag stickers at home, I must remember where I put them because they're not together when Zukry took it. Hmmmm.... 

I also found a youtube clip on SarangCraftbyAbby creating the Quran sleeve in a show called Assalamualaikum! It's soooo easy! Can't wait to sew mine soon - have to use Ampang's sewing machine cause I sold mine last year as they were collecting dust rather than completing any sewing projects!

So far, that's how I spend my Ramadhan besides helping out with chores at home. Uuuuu, my bonus project which was reupholstering the sofa set here in Ampang! Found one company that was active in Instagram, communicate on arrangements - they took them away a month ago. Yesterday, the newly improved sofa set arrived - all repaired, in fabric and looking like new! 

Yeay, Alhamdulillah #Feelingaccomplished 

Moving On with Life

Photo by rafael albornoz on Unsplash

I really should NOT feel guilty about making the most of my maternity leave with productive things that were not just focused on muhasabah over the loss of my baby... No doubt Spiritual is one of the aspect I need to make better and it is one of my Core Values too, but spiritual things ONLY - does not seems right... Any other than this, is a dishonour to my baby - How crazy is that?  

I was naive in the very beginning. Still thinking over "What would others think about me?" if I have fun, I laugh, I sing songs, POP song, I do my hair, make my face, bottomline... every time I try to BE HAPPY, I shouldn't because I just loss a baby. #CRAYZEEEE

I was worried over things at the office, of how I left abruptly on Friday afternoon thinking I'd be in the office cleaning up the many tasks on Monday onwards... How I should be looking at what awaits in my emails and my office laptop - how I didn't bring back the charger thinking it was just the usual weekend upon me 3 weeks back...

I think, I took the the time to decide - I really should do things that I want to do and not worry about what other people thinks! Thing is, THEY DON'T CARE! REALLY! I was the one who are still overthinking things!!! OMG, think and thing. Hehehehe... 

I have decided a lot of activities that I can do post delivery, what I want to do and CAN DO with my free time. I know for sure I have to start and finish the online course I subscribed before the hospitalisation. And, one of the hikmah from this experience is also that I get the Ramadan 30 days, free from work at the office... I feel like I have made doa for this, to be able to embrace the month without obligation to work or taking off-days. So, I really should ensure that I don't WASTE this opportunity! I have to also make time and complete the tagging for my tafsir and have more time with the Quran... Tag, Read, Tadabbur, etc. I went to Ayesha's Quran Tagging class on 1st September 2018, it's been over 6 months and it's still incomplete. What a shame...

What else? So in a gist:-

• #AAConsistencyClass
• Ramadan without Work (must break this down!)
• Quran Tagging with Hartini

See how ambitious of me trying to be better? 

This is also the best time to start better habits and stick with them! I have listed some of them in the Grey Book, I got to narrow them down, implement and ace them!

Anyway, back to moving on. Another point I like about Zukry's caption on this whole experience he bravely put on his instagram is that, this is not the time to RESET. We had to hit the PAUSE button but it's rebuilding when we hit the PLAY button. Not resetting, not erasing anything... So, no case of dishonouring anything here! 

Today, marked the 5th day of having Acik Rose. She's my Confinement Lady. Of course I already booked her for July (when I was supposed to deliver...) but she obliged to the unexpected change. I was her 3rd customer from yesterday on and her 2nd from Mon-Wed. She told me that she saw changed to my body, she could feel that I'm feeling better - in her words, rasa ringan; to which I'm agreeing with. I no longer looked like a balloon ready to pop, my hands and legs/feet no longer looked like they're going to burst anytime... 

I look and feel like I'm much better. It's just... I have no baby to attend to. But it's OK, he's in MUCH BETTER PLACE. Apalah sangat dunia ni... Allah loan him to us for a while, he's not mine to keep and it's OK.

Postpartum Without Nur Ihsan

Photo by Hisu lee on Unsplash

Assalamualaikum...

These days, I blog when I have and make the time or I can't contain what I had in mind with writing cause I type faster. Today, I decided to open this dusty page and actually draft something to let some things out. 

That's right. I have delivered a baby. A baby boy we decided to call Nur Ihsan on 20th April 2019, Saturday at 7.35 pm. 

We knew about him back in November last year. We weren't really expecting anything, although we were on 'trying' cycle. So, it was a pleasant surprise. It was a good ending to my crazy productive (yet stressful, there it is... finally. Admitting that was a relief. Stressful is such a negative word, but it is what it is) year. It actually continued in January, February, March and then came April... Days when I had to sleep late at night or wake up super early for the slides, perfecting excel models, etc. goes on, not as frequent but these days still happened. I kept on saying strong women does these things - the extra things ie. staying up late, keeping busy with work even during weekends, while trying to balance it out with hanging out with family, taking days off (not that many cause I was optimising annual leave with public holidays COZ of the mindset of who take leaves?!) 

OMG, now that I'm putting these down ~ I wasn't crazy busy - I think, my priorities were OFF!

I don't physically have my Nur Ihsan now... (tears)

We lost him in my womb on his 27 weeks 5 days. 

I was warded for my unusually high blood pressure (I was already taking medication upon visiting the gynaecologist to confirm my pregnancy) However, my condition wasn't induced by the pregnancy. It was already there, existing. While I was busy trying to keeping fit in 2017 - I struggled in this field in 2018. My BP was NOT properly managed before the pregnancy and I'm no longer 32 (when I had Nur Amni) Thus, whatever we were doing to keep the BP not-crazy wasn't really working...

My body and his couldn't cope with handling the 'new' medication regime and keeping him healthy. He was with me, for a week in the hospital before he leaves :'( He was 794 g at birth... (At that week, usually baby is 900 g -according to the baby growth tracker apps) 

I went through birthing experience, induced with 5 tablets and 1 painkiller shot, 6 hours later my water broke and we were ready to bring him out. One more shot and a few breath of laughing gas, pushing - he's out. So small, so quiet - my little angel. Had a few minutes of checking his condition, struggling to control my emotion but I was somewhat strong at the time (maybe the laughing gas, sedation)

Alhamdulillah, the process of birthing and putting him at rest at Raudatul Sakinah were made ease. Zukry and I had our moments... He saw me crying, I saw him crying and of course, us both crying. He was clever, putting it as this (the whole experience) was the rezeki given upon us. People keep on telling that Nur Ihsan is now in Syurga, he'll wait for us. Earlier, I cried at the idea of what made me deserving of such rezeki? Now, thinking that Nur Ihsan at a MUCH better place --- that's a motivation to make the family reunion at Heaven's gate a reality, insyaAllah.

So, here I am postpartum day 13 at Mak's place. Trying very hard to occupy myself with books, preparation for Ramadan, having Acik Rose to help me with PP body recovery, prepare and have pantang food, focusing on taking my BP medication on time and hopefully finish the online course I subscribed a few weeks back (before I was hospitalised)

My dear Hartini, don't sweat the small stuffs. Rezeki dunia semua dari Allah. Find your balance, hit that pause button when it gets crazy and don't be ashamed to ask help from Allah... He will HELP, you have to ask!

My Own General Election Experience

Salam Ramadhan, readers. That's basically me waving to Jazlin (Hi Jaz!)

I'm trying NOT to fall asleep after subuh which is quite a challenge seeing everyone (that's just Zukry and Amni though) is comfortable on the bed snoozing. So, I took my macbook out and thought I'd go watch a webinar but that's not really working~ Abstaining self from going further into the WWW, I thought let's just put something up on the blog instead. Hehehe...

So last week... Not just to me, but I think to the whole Malaysia nation surprise - we actually changed the ruling government for the first time after Merdeka. Hah! I wasn't really anticipating anything but I voted for the first time and my vote creates major Malaysian history! Whoa! I have my reasons why didn't vote before... mainly due to the fact I WAS located in Miri (but I think it's more than that) 

It was a family affair - the voting day. I drove all the way from Melawati to Kuala Ampang with KRU music on the radio. Yes, KRU! We were at the Konsert Gergasi the weekend before... So the demam continued. I bought their compilation album and boom, volume up - ke tepi, ke tepi...! Baby was done by the time I arrived. Mak, Bapak and Mizan were in the queue waiting for their turn. 

I was talking to the officer at site, after I was done - a curious crowd was asking if I was 'kena tiger' for wearing slipper! Hehehe. I was amused, I just replied 'No lah...' without further explanation. I was curious about the long line... I know my number bilangan dan saluran I got from online, why can't I just go to the saluran  ~ itu aje. But we got to do it manually jugak when we arrived. Sabau ajelah. It was somewhat nerve wrecking,  I was nervous to cast my vote! Everything was so formal and the area was so quite except for the voice of the officer who was calling out name and IC number out! Casted my vote. PANGKAH on two papers - one for ADUN, one for PARLIAMENT... Bismillah, masukkan dalam designated boxes. We had to share our family outing, so I wefie with the folks and we're done for the day!

Anyway, so what do we do with the free holidays. Wednesday was the day we got off to vote, Thursday and Friday will be off-days if the then, opposition team wins - and they did, and then... it's the weekend. 5 days off! Zukry immediately came up with a plan to go to lepak in LANGKAWI! We no longer hang-out in this Melawati area peeps, we go big - fly to an island. The island where the current 93-years old president won his parliament seat! Don't PLAY-PLAY :)

Unfortunately, I was called to the office on Friday for a management paper to be presented on the next Monday - so, we left immediately after I finished my discussion. Thank god I did most of my part on Tuesday so it was all minor work for me~ Phew! Off we go to the airport, fly-off to Langkawi.

Zukry told me that we were going to stay at a small hut in the middle of paid field! So, this is the second experience after the Ubud Bali one, earlier in January~ Here's the airbnb place. It was cute, it was like a mini kampung for our mini unit, it was perfect!

So the cuti begins. We were playing tourist most of the time. Visited the Makam Mahsuri (which was fun because they had like a mini Kedah there so a few rumah Kampung Kedah style were installed!), went Galeria Perdana (timely since Tun M is the PM again!), enjoyed watching penguins and a seal in the Underwater World and obviously had good food and a little of the sea breeze - Amni taksuka mandi laut --- so sekejap aje tepi laut. Huhuhu...

Ended the trip with a meet-up with our friend at the airport before we flew back. They resided in Langkawi. They just came back from the voting off days in their Kampung kat KL! Hihihi)

Amni goes to play-school!

A quarter of year has passed.

Where did the time go.

I have been questioning my pace. Is 35 the new old? Urgh! 

Anyway, Amni went to a play school. Have I updated that already? Not in the blog! But yeah, Alhamdulillah we've been adjusting. Not yet there for Mommy, but Abah and Amni - they've had a pretty solid routine going on - strong! 

Mommy - been yoyo-ing. Much like her efforts to lose weight and maintain a healthier lifestyle. Ya Allah, I need help in this area. I really do. Please help me. Amin...

So, about the play school. After about 3 months, Amni has a lot of improvement especially in communicating with me. No more just pointing at things or bringing me to stuffs she wanted me to switch on, open, lift, etc. That's a huge plus point. As in the real life problem... COMMUNICATION is key!

She just had her first Sport's Day! That's right, a Sport's Day for a 32 months old. I wanted to say 3 years old - but she's not yet 3! She's still my baby... Yes, she is (soundly napping beside me at this moment - snoring) She participated! Despite knowing Mommy was somewhere around the area. Bravo Amni!

She waited patiently for her turn, went into the tunnel, walked into the squares carefully, pick up the egg with a spoon and run towards the teacher at the end of the line and drop the egg in! And then, she sat down waiting for her team to finish. Her team won the second place. Mommy were screaming her lungs out (no surprise there!), cheering for Amni!

Atok and TokMak came just in time and we waited until Amni received her prize. A Doraemon backpack! Tok Mak brought additional gifts - bubble pistol and a horn/trumpet for both Amni and Noh - who came too but at the very end though. So he didn't get to see the action!

Our everyday worry is that Amni is being picked up last at the play school. Abah said there was one time that happened. Haih~ She should be our priority, not work or anything else. 

But we can't pour water from a glass that is empty right? I have to care for myself too. It's a constant effort, trying to be a better mother / self. What's important is that we DO.

 

How I wean off my 2 year old daughter

The underlying issue of my-not-ovulating-thus-not-pregnant-and-not-having-period was high prolactin. Did you know that? Are you one of those people too? Don't be afraid to seek for help. InsyaAllah, there's always a way... 

As soon as I delivered Amni, I’m determined - I’m gonna breastfeed her and Alhamdulillah I never had any doubt that I will have problem with my-milk. Thanks to the same hormone that didn’t allow my menses to come back, prolactin. 

Alhamdulillah… nikmat susu ibu yang berpanjangan for Nur Amni. 

So, we went to see the doctor in August – just before Amni turned two. We told him that we want to try for another baby as we are not getting any younger and ‘usaha’ is always in our dictionary. The doctor, looked at my history and immediately said I had to stop breastfeeding. 

That same dilemma - Dilemma of wanting to nurse Amni and also wanting to also try for another baby – both are a painful yet meaningful experience. 

Even after 24 months of nursing Amni, I still feel full at the end of the day. Sometimes so full (from not nursing effectively the night before), I was basically in pain throughout the day until Amni’s time for bed when she finally wants to nurse. This is after more than 2 years of nursing!

Mommies who struggle to fulfil the 2 years nursing target would feel envious with this achievement, I would probably appear ungrateful for wanting the nursing to stop... But every breastfeeding journey is different.

So, one day - Mommy nekad. Mommy just want to be done with it and deal with the consequences – Mommy took the table per doctor’s prescription.

I was given Dostinex in August, and one fine morning in December - I took it per prescription:

Day 1 – 2 tablets (stat)

Day 2 -  1 tablets, 2 times

Day 3 – 1 tablets, 2 times

After so much screaming before she finally dozed off with the help of pacifier, she dozed off with her Abah for 2 nights. But in between, she still woke up and searched for me to nurse! Mommy kesian… 

What do I do?

This was how dealt with the consequence - with heavy heart and hands, I had ‘asam jawa’ spread on my nipple and allowed her to nurse. She took it and had a moment for a while but she, like me was determine too – after dealing with the taste, she continued like it was no biggy at all. That continues for 2 nights!

I think by the 4th or 5th night, I changed to coffee paste smear. Just for that one time, she took it - had a taste and turned over. After that coffee paste, I had to sleep outside and let her Abah took over the tuck-her-in/sleeping job. It used to be my thing, now no more...

So, it's been 2 weeks now... She's getting there, understanding but still screams her lungs out when Abah took her at night.

One of the advise I received was to be strong. Don't give Amni hope that she will get to nurse again, by settling-in and feed her when she screams so loud that you wanted to cry with her too... So, I just don't. I kept myself busy while the scream is going on (it gets shorter now, much shorter when we first started) - so that I don't pay as much attention, my brain is occupied.

If you're in the same journey, Stay Strong Mommies. We can do this!

Little Girl Growing Up

Last night, before she went to sleep - she went,

one...

two...

three...

four...

five...

six...

in the dark, looking up, playing with her fingers. 

She knows a lot of stuffs, she's just not showing them to people. 

She likes to keep it to herself and will only show it when she's very comfortable with the new learnings she find from everyday things and of course, her tv / youtube time.

She knows her eight, nine and ten. She won't say anything with 2 syllable words  yet like seven, yellow except for turtle.

I'm glad to have experienced that alone time with her. Not even 2 minutes - she counted but somehow, there's a tiny knock on my heart - a reminder perhaps. Alhamdulillah for everything I have right now...

#ArZuLondon2017

That's right!

That happened. We all went to Dubai and London, basically staying together in London for MOST of the time.

I have been wanting to share my travels with my family since forever. Particularly London because I feel like everyone can benefit from it.

Baby and Mak should enjoy the shopping we get to do there.

Mizan in particular with Arsenal. The stadium is in London and there's a game going on during our stay there.

Mizan and Baby never been to London - So it's their first time.

Bapak - for being able to see London in a tourist point of view. No business to care for while travelling.

Abang, well - he's been in London with Mak a few years back but he must ikut - He's an ArZu clan too.

Zukry of course, kaki travel and peminat hard core EPL. Anything with football in it, he's game. Although it's been a while sinceI last saw him as excited as when we were at Emirates Stadium (walaupun it's not his team, his enthusiasm towards any EPL / Football team - memang tak boleh blah!

And there's newer Arzu clan - Zaki, Noh Zahin and my sweet daughter Nur Amni.

But the above, the benefit for everyone to enjoy was basically the ideal case. I was imagining a lot of things while planning for the trip.

The undisturbed shopping time
The picnic in the park
The time spent watching the kids roaming free in the park
The undisturbed and educational tour in Harry Potter Studio
The leisure of checking out all the luxury handbag / purse at Harrods and actually spend on one without limitation of time...

The above conclusively, pretty much DID NOT HAPPEN.

I have a lot of things in my mind. Making sure everybody is happy - IS A LOT OF WORK. But to me, it's a good stress. The KPI was to make sure everyone is in London and everyone made it.

So yeah, Alhamdulillah for this rezeki. Ya Allah, I pray for more rezeki of my family's happiness that includes vacationing to a strange world that we can all afford. Hehehehe.... Amin.a

Macbook-ed

Finally giving in to my nafs, I finally owned a MacBook. Air.

Yes, I have to jot down somewhere about this achievement. Nothing compared to some other non-material achievement of others, but this is my blog - I say and document whatever I feel important.

Hey, I used to highlight that I got myself an iPod mini a few years back. I have been out of blogging days when I decided to become an iPhone user - started with an iPhone 5 that I have washed down in the washing machine along with my birthday present iPad mini (first generation). iPad survived until Zukry decided to watch influx in the toilet and soaked it in the pail. Hehehehe. #memoriberpantang I'm now with an iPhone 6 bought in Houston, Texas! Yeap, that's right - in 2014.

So, I am not sure how efficient the using-Macbook in the future would be but I'm gonna be excited about it at least for these few days/weeks hopefully. I'm actually considering about bringing this baby with my other babies (Zukry and Nur Amni, obviously) to our family vacation next month! OMG, that means juggling a lot of things! Probably I shouldn't but how could I leave this baby behind! Hehehehe.... #Ownerperak! 

30ish and Chicken Pox

I guess the time that I am having to blog these few days, was due to the extra time I have at home - quarantined for chicken pox. Yeap, chicken pox at this age! This was my first time and Alhamdulillah... after about a week, it has subsided although the blisters aren't really dry so the doctor extended my MC! 

The thing that I was scared for was the achy body that people have warned me. I had that just before i noticed the first few blisters on my chest... But I had the twice per week workout session with Kapt Black (I plan to blog about this soon), so my thinking was that the achy feeling was the result of the workout! 

The demam came almost immediately after seeing the doctor. Continues until day 3, and with more and more blisters coming out. The most annoying at the 2 most prominent on my face and a few others on my head (just because i couldn't see them and it hurt when i had to comb my hair!) I think I had like 6 air kelapa! Hehehe... and the antiviral pills I had - Doctor cakap 'kurangkan blisters'. So like many comments I heard, takdelah teruk sangat. But I cannot bayang kalau teruk tu camner dah.

With Amni around, still nursing - exposed to the virus, I cannot NOT worry about her not catching it. But I'm just gonna go with the flow. She's been a strong girl so far. Also, she's been playing with my blisters while nursing! I gotta nurse her in the dark, so that she couldn't see them. Hehehe. 

So, I'm just gonna embraced the MC I've received. Afterall, it is a once in a lifetime experience. I hope!

The blog is 10 years!

OMG, I just realized that the previous post was my first post for 2017. My last post was in October 2016! Hehehe... That means, Alhamdulillah I have been busy with life that I haven't got the time to really sit down and pour my brain out. 


And also, social media obviously. Instagram and Twitter are way faster to share my thoughts, pictures, what I like or I don't, how I am/was feeling, all the important and not-so-important stuffs. That's where i got the latest gossips, keep up with the latest trend / viral things and the likes. Hehehehe...
It has been 10 years - this blog.

I started it because I feel like I needed a space to just blab about my life - then, single, alone, abroad (over the sea) and trying to make it "on my own". Thus the title, in case you have no idea why I chose that.

Now that I'm more settled, a mother, a wife, a career woman (gittewwww!) - I guess, I need to FIND time to blog. I have always had the apps in my iPhone but typing it on an actual keyboard is more satisfying...

To MacBook, or Not

We were buying our eldest niece a laptop for her university work today. While we were at the shop - I was having this urge of wanting to own my personal one too. 

I have been bugging Zukry about actually owning a MacBook, but I have been procrastinating about the idea. I was thinking, it really IS expensive, I don't need it that much but I wasn't really satisfied with how I've been spending my money these few months anyway. Might as well commit to a MacBook - and shut up! 

I've spend on a lot of baju! Baju raya, yang tailored - yang beli, yang matching, tak matching, pelbagai gaya and size juga. I have been spending on these clothing things because of the change of size, and because I feel like I can obviously. 

I settled for an Apple Watch after completing my Jom Kurus somewhere in Mar, with flying colors. Oh well, not really - I met my target, nothing above and beyond that. I did not spend any of my money on that, Zukry thought it's should be a greater motivation - so it was a gift. So, really - I should've had a MacBook by now already! 

But I'm still here - not using one. Jom pergi beli! 

Driving to Work

Driving to work has somewhat become a luxurious thing for me these days. An alone time, me time! 

Driving to work always (but not necessarily) means that Zukry is outstation. 

So, the honorable chore of sending Amni to Kak Su is bravely undertaken alone by me today. 

Driving to work means I get to listen to my music with double the volume we are used to. Usually, it's the local radio at sensible decibel loud.

Today, it's Yuna's Chapters and Begin Again OST - Keira Knightley's only

Working Mommy

I have always admire mommies who work hard at the office, even harder at home. I was raised by a working mom and was surrounded with many when I'm at work. 

It is not an alien subject, this working at office vs. staying at home mom. I was even exposed to the idea of bringing work to home (working from home - many of which was relying on Shaklee business) - of which is a nice idea but I'm not ready to give it all up (yet, maybe)

It's been almost one month since I left Amni at my aunt's helper care. We decided that it is better to leave Amni there first... And re-think about our Taska strategy. We have build a pretty decent routine...

5.00 - 7.30

Wake up to nurse. (Almost all the time, I went back to sleep cause I nurse her lying down... This needs improvement)

Getting ready

Prepare Amni's milk and pumping stuffs for office

- 4 bottles of milk with one packet of chilled one from last night pump session. We started with 3 oz for a week or so, then solid 4 oz each feeding. Starting tomorrow - she's getting 5 oz per feeding InsyaAllah and I have to up my pumping sessions! Come onnnn!

- a bag of ice packs for the milk I get to pump at the office

- a bag of pumping units and bottles

7.30 - 6.30 

Melawati - Gombak - LRT Putra - KLCC

Try to get at least a decent 3 sessions of 15-20 mins pumping session

Go back at earliest opportunity

6.30 - 8.00

KLCC - LRT Putra - Gombak - Melawati

Won't pass dinner offer by MakTam. Thank you MakTam :)

8.00 - 5.00

Put Amni to sleep. Pump at least one more time (usually around 9 pm) 

Tido and nurse when Amni's up (once or twice)

Pheewww!

Exciting, huh? I have wondered if I would have the opportunity to care for own kid. That kind of thought came especially when people ask when I'm going to have one - of which I don't have the answer to kan... Now, I have one. I'm gonna care for her as best as I could. InsyaAllah...