Wednesday, December 27, 2017

How I wean off my 2 year old daughter

The underlying issue of my-not-ovulating-thus-not-pregnant-and-not-having-period was high prolactin. Did you know that? Are you one of those people too? Don't be afraid to seek for help. InsyaAllah, there's always a way... 

As soon as I delivered Amni, I’m determined - I’m gonna breastfeed her and Alhamdulillah I never had any doubt that I will have problem with my-milk. Thanks to the same hormone that didn’t allow my menses to come back, prolactin. 

Alhamdulillah… nikmat susu ibu yang berpanjangan for Nur Amni. 

So, we went to see the doctor in August – just before Amni turned two. We told him that we want to try for another baby as we are not getting any younger and ‘usaha’ is always in our dictionary. The doctor, looked at my history and immediately said I had to stop breastfeeding. 

That same dilemma - Dilemma of wanting to nurse Amni and also wanting to also try for another baby – both are a painful yet meaningful experience. 

Even after 24 months of nursing Amni, I still feel full at the end of the day. Sometimes so full (from not nursing effectively the night before), I was basically in pain throughout the day until Amni’s time for bed when she finally wants to nurse. This is after more than 2 years of nursing!

Mommies who struggle to fulfil the 2 years nursing target would feel envious with this achievement, I would probably appear ungrateful for wanting the nursing to stop... But every breastfeeding journey is different.

So, one day - Mommy nekad. Mommy just want to be done with it and deal with the consequences – Mommy took the table per doctor’s prescription.

I was given Dostinex in August, and one fine morning in December - I took it per prescription:
Day 1 – 2 tablets (stat)
Day 2 -  1 tablets, 2 times
Day 3 – 1 tablets, 2 times

After so much screaming before she finally dozed off with the help of pacifier, she dozed off with her Abah for 2 nights. But in between, she still woke up and searched for me to nurse! Mommy kesian… 

What do I do?

This was how dealt with the consequence - with heavy heart and hands, I had ‘asam jawa’ spread on my nipple and allowed her to nurse. She took it and had a moment for a while but she, like me was determine too – after dealing with the taste, she continued like it was no biggy at all. That continues for 2 nights!

I think by the 4th or 5th night, I changed to coffee paste smear. Just for that one time, she took it - had a taste and turned over. After that coffee paste, I had to sleep outside and let her Abah took over the tuck-her-in/sleeping job. It used to be my thing, now no more...

So, it's been 2 weeks now... She's getting there, understanding but still screams her lungs out when Abah took her at night.

One of the advise I received was to be strong. Don't give Amni hope that she will get to nurse again, by settling-in and feed her when she screams so loud that you wanted to cry with her too... So, I just don't. I kept myself busy while the scream is going on (it gets shorter now, much shorter when we first started) - so that I don't pay as much attention, my brain is occupied.

If you're in the same journey, Stay Strong Mommies. We can do this!

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Little Girl Growing Up

Last night, before she went to sleep - she went,







in the dark, looking up, playing with her fingers. 

She knows a lot of stuffs, she's just not showing them to people. 

She likes to keep it to herself and will only show it when she's very comfortable with the new learnings she find from everyday things and of course, her tv / youtube time.

She knows her eight, nine and ten. She won't say anything with 2 syllable words  yet like seven, yellow except for turtle.

I'm glad to have experienced that alone time with her. Not even 2 minutes - she counted but somehow, there's a tiny knock on my heart - a reminder perhaps. Alhamdulillah for everything I have right now...

Sunday, October 1, 2017


That's right!

That happened. We all went to Dubai and London, basically staying together in London for MOST of the time.

I have been wanting to share my travels with my family since forever. Particularly London because I feel like everyone can benefit from it.

Baby and Mak should enjoy the shopping we get to do there.

Mizan in particular with Arsenal. The stadium is in London and there's a game going on during our stay there.

Mizan and Baby never been to London - So it's their first time.

Bapak - for being able to see London in a tourist point of view. No business to care for while travelling.

Abang, well - he's been in London with Mak a few years back but he must ikut - He's an ArZu clan too.

Zukry of course, kaki travel and peminat hard core EPL. Anything with football in it, he's game. Although it's been a while sinceI last saw him as excited as when we were at Emirates Stadium (walaupun it's not his team, his enthusiasm towards any EPL / Football team - memang tak boleh blah!

And there's newer Arzu clan - Zaki, Noh Zahin and my sweet daughter Nur Amni.

But the above, the benefit for everyone to enjoy was basically the ideal case. I was imagining a lot of things while planning for the trip.

The undisturbed shopping time
The picnic in the park
The time spent watching the kids roaming free in the park
The undisturbed and educational tour in Harry Potter Studio
The leisure of checking out all the luxury handbag / purse at Harrods and actually spend on one without limitation of time...

The above conclusively, pretty much DID NOT HAPPEN.

I have a lot of things in my mind. Making sure everybody is happy - IS A LOT OF WORK. But to me, it's a good stress. The KPI was to make sure everyone is in London and everyone made it.

So yeah, Alhamdulillah for this rezeki. Ya Allah, I pray for more rezeki of my family's happiness that includes vacationing to a strange world that we can all afford. Hehehehe.... Amin.a

Friday, August 4, 2017


Finally giving in to my nafs, I finally owned a MacBook. Air.

Yes, I have to jot down somewhere about this achievement. Nothing compared to some other non-material achievement of others, but this is my blog - I say and document whatever I feel important.

Hey, I used to highlight that I got myself an iPod mini a few years back. I have been out of blogging days when I decided to become an iPhone user - started with an iPhone 5 that I have washed down in the washing machine along with my birthday present iPad mini (first generation). iPad survived until Zukry decided to watch influx in the toilet and soaked it in the pail. Hehehehe. #memoriberpantang I'm now with an iPhone 6 bought in Houston, Texas! Yeap, that's right - in 2014.

So, I am not sure how efficient the using-Macbook in the future would be but I'm gonna be excited about it at least for these few days/weeks hopefully. I'm actually considering about bringing this baby with my other babies (Zukry and Nur Amni, obviously) to our family vacation next month! OMG, that means juggling a lot of things! Probably I shouldn't but how could I leave this baby behind! Hehehehe.... #Ownerperak! 

Monday, July 31, 2017

30ish and Chicken Pox

I guess the time that I am having to blog these few days, was due to the extra time I have at home - quarantined for chicken pox. Yeap, chicken pox at this age! This was my first time and Alhamdulillah... after about a week, it has subsided although the blisters aren't really dry so the doctor extended my MC! 

The thing that I was scared for was the achy body that people have warned me. I had that just before i noticed the first few blisters on my chest... But I had the twice per week workout session with Kapt Black (I plan to blog about this soon), so my thinking was that the achy feeling was the result of the workout! 

The demam came almost immediately after seeing the doctor. Continues until day 3, and with more and more blisters coming out. The most annoying at the 2 most prominent on my face and a few others on my head (just because i couldn't see them and it hurt when i had to comb my hair!) I think I had like 6 air kelapa! Hehehe... and the antiviral pills I had - Doctor cakap 'kurangkan blisters'. So like many comments I heard, takdelah teruk sangat. But I cannot bayang kalau teruk tu camner dah.

With Amni around, still nursing - exposed to the virus, I cannot NOT worry about her not catching it. But I'm just gonna go with the flow. She's been a strong girl so far. Also, she's been playing with my blisters while nursing! I gotta nurse her in the dark, so that she couldn't see them. Hehehe. 

So, I'm just gonna embraced the MC I've received. Afterall, it is a once in a lifetime experience. I hope!

Saturday, July 29, 2017

The blog is 10 years!

OMG, I just realized that the previous post was my first post for 2017. My last post was in October 2016! Hehehe... That means, Alhamdulillah I have been busy with life that I haven't got the time to really sit down and pour my brain out. 

And also, social media obviously. Instagram and Twitter are way faster to share my thoughts, pictures, what I like or I don't, how I am/was feeling, all the important and not-so-important stuffs. That's where i got the latest gossips, keep up with the latest trend / viral things and the likes. Hehehehe...

It has been 10 years - this blog.

I started it because I feel like I needed a space to just blab about my life - then, single, alone, abroad (over the sea) and trying to make it "on my own". Thus the title, in case you have no idea why I chose that.

Now that I'm more settled, a mother, a wife, a career woman (gittewwww!) - I guess, I need to FIND time to blog. I have always had the apps in my iPhone but typing it on an actual keyboard is more satisfying...

To MacBook, or Not

We were buying our eldest niece a laptop for her university work today. While we were at the shop - I was having this urge of wanting to own my personal one too. 

I have been bugging Zukry about actually owning a MacBook, but I have been procrastinating about the idea. I was thinking, it really IS expensive, I don't need it that much but I wasn't really satisfied with how I've been spending my money these few months anyway. Might as well commit to a MacBook - and shut up! 

I've spend on a lot of baju! Baju raya, yang tailored - yang beli, yang matching, tak matching, pelbagai gaya and size juga. I have been spending on these clothing things because of the change of size, and because I feel like I can obviously. 

I settled for an Apple Watch after completing my Jom Kurus somewhere in Mar, with flying colors. Oh well, not really - I met my target, nothing above and beyond that. I did not spend any of my money on that, Zukry thought it's should be a greater motivation - so it was a gift. So, really - I should've had a MacBook by now already! 

But I'm still here - not using one. Jom pergi beli!